a wet dream just dangling, but your spit is wasted on me
from WaterGate to SpitGate: the Don't Worry Darling chronicles never end.
As Harry Styles famously said on James Corden’s Spill Your Guts, “to spit or to swallow, that is the question”. And the internet is demanding answers.
The Venice Film Festival has given us more content than they could’ve ever dreamed of. More specifically, the Don’t Worry Darling press tour is proving to be the thing that is bringing us all together.
For those of us who have been on the frontlines of the One Direction fan life since Harry Styles was wearing scarves like Gok Wan, we know that he has stated that he finds spitting to be a pet peeve of his but girlys, not everyone has been through 1D life like we have and so not everyone knows these key details in this case.
Straight off the bat, Chris Pine’s PR team denied that Harry Styles spat on him. In a statement given to Variety, Chris Pine’s rep said “Just to be clear, Harry Styles did not spit on Chris Pine. There is nothing but respect between these two men and any suggestion otherwise is a blatant attempt to create drama that simply does not exist.”
My two cents on SpitGate is that Harry Styles did not spit on Chris Pine. The coincidence of the situation is very unfortunate, based on the angle at which Harry’s head was at and his pout and the fact that Chris Pine’s eyes seem to be following something to his lap, the evidence isn’t looking too good but I believe this man is innocent.
Though Harry Styles does love his whale spit moment on stage, this SpitGate chronicle is nothing in comparison. Its pretty clear that nothing left that man’s mouth but the internet is funnier than it’s been in a while so maybe we should just keep the speculation going so we can just unanimously laugh at the shit show Don’t Worry Darling has come to be. There have been slow-mo versions of the SpitGate clip, frame-by-frame’s, meme’s of Harry throwing a goat on Chris Pine, zoomed-in versions, everything you can possibly imagine that the detective school of twitter dot com could do to find out the truth has been done and yet, there still isn’t one answer we all agree on.
Chris Pine was pictured laughing with Harry Styles after the event, so whether the SpitGate rumours are true or not, they still seem very chummy. Which brings me on to my second analysis: If Harry Styles did spit on Chris Pine and Chris Pine was more than okay with it, what does he think of Harry’s lip-locked moment with Nick Kroll. Get in losers, the boys are fighting!!
I hope everything that went down at the Venice Film Festival is just one massive PR stunt. Though I don’t believe Olivia Wilde is both smart and/or dumb enough to pull off such an elaborate hoax. But whether it was planned or not, I’m pretty sure if SpitGate: the movie was released, it would get a higher Rotten Tomatoes score than Don’t Worry Darling’s embarrassing 39%. How do you have a cast that sexy and flop so bad? It’s something I need to unpack. I will in due time, don’t you worry, darling. But for now, I just need that film to come out so I can assess whether or not this was all worth it - on behalf of Olivia Wilde that is. For me, personally, it is very worth it. I am soaking up every second of it.
Though the main focus of the video circulating the internet of Harry Styles spitting next to Chris Pine and Olivia Wilde is the question of SpitGate, the more interesting part of the video is Harry and Olivia’s inability to look at each other. She looks at him smiling, dimples out and everything and then immediately turns away once he looks over in her general direction. Girl, if holivia is over I’m going to need something more concrete than this. Lorraine took it upon themselves to break the news that holivia is over but until HS3 is out and the remastered version of Olivia, originally by One Direction, is released, my heart remains in shatters at Harry Styles’ longing for women double my age.
this tweet says it all.